Empty Nest Mummy

“What did you do at school today?”

“Nothing”.

(Is this sounding familiar, dear readers?)

Both my children, now aged 6 and 4, spent their whole academic year at nursery doing ‘nothing’. Now, this nothing got them scratched, battered, bruised, splattered with paint and covered in mud, but it was nothing.  Whether they were in nursery for a morning, or a whole day, they did nothing.

I had far higher hopes of school. The day is longer, there’s a curriculum to follow, the magic of reading and writing has to happen somehow. Surely they can’t be staring at a brick wall all day. They must do something.

But then Big Boy started at Big School just over two years ago and, for the first few weeks, did nothing.

….I started to fret. How was he going to become the bright, high-achieving young man of my dreams (the one who would keep his mother in the manner to which she wanted to become accustomed) if he failed to learn to read and write? And how could he learn to read and write if he spent all day doing nothing?

…and how on earth had Ofsted given the school such a great rating if they did nothing all day?

And then I had an epiphany of sorts.

It wasn’t that he did nothing all day; it was that he couldn’t remember what he had done by the time the day had ended. (Or perhaps, finally released from Mummy’s apron strings, he wanted to have a life of his own and keep secrets, but I don’t like this idea as much!)

And thus my mission began to wheedle as much information out of my infant as possible.

Fast-forward two years later, with Littlest Angel also now in the first year of primary school, I like to think that I have perfected the art of what I call ‘Soft Interrogation’. And I am happy to share my experience with you, dear readers.

Top Tips for Getting Information Out of Your Primary School Child

1. Naughty Behaviour: There’s nothing that my Sticky-Beaked Infants like more than grassing up their classmates. So, start off with “Was everybody in Reception Class good for the teacher today?” Believe me, the floodgates will open. Far from struggling to drag information out of them, you’ll be struggling to get them to stop!
2. Favourite Thing Today: Inspired by The Sound of Music, we talk about our favourite things. Actually, sometimes we talk about them, sometimes we sing about them.
3. 3 Things That Happened Today: If you have more than one child, play them off against each other. Who wants to be the first to tell Mummy 3 things about their day? They’ll be fighting each other to go first but you’ll get loads of info on their day! Nothing like a bit of competition to get those piggies squealing.
4. The Distraction Technique: If all else fails, get out the Playdough. There’s nothing that opens lips quicker in our house than Playdough. There’s something about kneading, rolling and creating with Playdough that makes you want to sing like a canary! (Note to Secret Services: forget about all those unpleasant, ‘rough-play’ techniques to get your target talking – just make up a pretty batch of Playdough, roll your sleeves up and have a chat. Much quicker and easier, and less mess to clear up at the end.)

So, dear friends, take it from me, this is the only way to get those tight-lipped primary kids talking. Use these tips and you’ll know everything you ever wanted to know about their day….. and probably lots that you didn’t. Enjoy!