Empty Nest Mummy

As I lie off in bed, shivering under a duvet (yes, those grubby infants have already brought the first virus of the year back from school), I am pondering some inappropriate behaviour that might become an issue at school.

Now, I will have to hold my hands up and take full responsibility for this, as I am really bottom-focused. Possibly even bottom-obsessed. I can’t walk by my husand’s bottom without a little smack, a gentle squeeze or perhaps even a full-on, double-cheeked bottom squish.

..and I also have a penchant for squishing the peachy little butts of my infants. …just my infants though, so no need for any Social Services involvement.

In what I believe is termed ‘learned behaviour’, the kids have really taken to bottom-squishing too. Perhaps because of the long Christmas break, the situation seems to have got worse, or better, depending on how you feel about bottom-squishing.

Over Christmas, there was even talk of a competition (we really do love a competition in our house), or a ‘Squish-Off’ as it came to be known.

Now, you can’t open a paper or turn on the news these days without hearing about inappropriate behaviour. So, in light of that, and in the worry that perhaps our bottom-squishing is too weird, Dad and I have failed to set a date for the Grand Squish-Off.

….but how do we stop the kids patting, squeezing or squishing each others bottoms? … and those of their parents?

…and, more seriously, how do we ensure that Littlest Angel doesn’t take the Squish-Off into school?!!!

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