Empty Nest Mummy

If The Sun is to be believed, he has ‘sparked uproar’ by saying that he would give these dating teens a bad reference and possibly expel them from school.

I’m very sure that his views are motivated by a desire for his pupils to do the best they can academically. Especially as their parents are forking out £34,000 a year for their education. (Or 4.3 bitcoins at today’s rate if that’s how you prefer to do your maths)

Now, thinking back to what we call “the olden days”, I do recall boys being very distracting. Actually, I’m not sure I noticed them until I was about 9 years old, but was greatly distracted after that. In fact, I was 100 percent convinced that I was going to be a nun when I grew up, until I got to the age of 9. And I am very sure that it was my discovery of boys that destroyed my ‘career’ as a nun. (Just think how different things could have been. Perhaps in an alternative universe, Sister Martina is hunched over her blog, and probably writing about far more important things than Inappropriate Bottom-Squishing and Playdough Recipes. I can only hope that trying to understand SEO isn’t frying her poor brain as much as it is mine!)

But, back to my point.

Boys were, and are, very distracting. Fact. But can a headteacher ban contact with them? Even if it’s ostensibly to give them the best chance of getting ahead in an increasingly competitive world? Is it possible? Is it sensible? Is it his place to do so?

Just looking at my two infants (aged 6 and 4), they are already talking about boyfriends and girlfriends. Well, the youngest, Littlest Angel, is already talking about it. (Big Boy shows no real interest in girls yet and is just distracted by football, in particular football statistics. He sagely says that “I think I probably haven’t met my wife yet”.)

Littlest Angel fell head over heels in love with a little boy at nursery last year (who, it has to be said, looks a lot like her beloved brother), and it seemed to be a mutual thing. Well, it did after a slightly awkward misunderstanding whereby My Future Son-in-Law misheard Littlest Angel’s marriage proposal as he had a problem with glue ear at the time (or gluten-free ear as Littlest Angel called it, confusing it with her grandmother’s intolerance to wheat) and thought she invited him to play Paw Patrol.

Listening in to some girlie gossip at a 5 year old’s party last weekend, it’s not just Littlest Angel who has a ‘boyfriend’. There are a lot of these 4 and 5 year olds who have a ‘boyfriend’, or a boy they are going to marry. Of course, in reality, this is probably just their favourite boy at the time, who they play with, or probably just irritate by following them around the playground like a little lost puppy. And Big Boy knows which boy and which girl are going to marry each other in Year 2, so it’s obviously a common occurrence there too.

So, surely, this noticing of boys or girls and feeling attracted to them, albeit not in a sexual way at this stage, is entirely normal? A normal part of growing up and learning to interact with other people, including those of the opposite sex?

And, surely, even if boys and girls are distracting for each other, this is a natural thing too? When Littlest Angel and Big Boy head out into the Big World of Work, they will encounter, work with, and possibly be distracted by, people of the opposite sex. It’s natural. It’s nature.

And, if they are to have some chance of keeping their first job, they’ll need to be able to work around this ‘distraction’. So, isn’t it better that they start to learn to how to communicate with boys (or girls) before they get to work? And really, before they go to University? Surely, your first time away from parents, with all that freedom and without mummy and daddy’s watchful eye, isn’t the best time to suddenly discover the other sex? Not when you need to get your head down and get a degree.

I, for one, would much rather that my children have some experience of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships whilst they are at secondary school. At least Mummy will be at home to encourage them to carry on with their schoolwork too, and be there with a shoulder to cry on when heartbreak hits. Then they can head off to University with a little bit of life experience, the ability to combine work and play, and with the confidence to say ‘no’ to any unwanted advances.

All that said, I would much rather that my 4 year old did not follow an 8 year old around the playground and write “you are my best frend (sic)” letters for him every day. (Thankfully, she has yet to realize that these love letters end up in the recycling rather than in the hands of her amour.)

I guess really that my hope is that they are confident enough to talk to both boys and girls in primary school, but that they do not have any real relationships until secondary school. And ideally not until late into secondary school at that!

But, fast-forward a decade or so until they are in secondary school, and I will not be happy if the Headteacher is laying down the law on whether they can or cannot have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I will be hoping that their secondary school of choice educates them and supports them to do their best, both education-wise and relationship-wise. As opposed to dictating to them about what is surely their own personal life.

What do you think of the Headmaster’s relationship ban? I’d love to know. Please add your Comment.

(For the lovely artwork, thanks to http://mariafresa.net/clipart/cartoon-boy-and-girl-clipart.html)