I am Superhero Mum. There, I said it. In the title. Putting it out there for all to see.

Much like with Peter Parker, an event in my life turned me from an ordinary girl (I despise the woman word) into a Superhero. But it wasn’t a spider bite. It was something else that made me turn into Superhero Mum.

In 2011, on an otherwise ordinary day, an extraordinary event changed my life.

My first child was born. And I developed Super-Powers.

Don’t believe me?

Then read on and judge for yourself.

1. Superhero Mum Strength

Ok, so I’m not talking about how much I can bench press. (About the weight of two standard tins of Baked Beans, if you’re asking)

Or saying that I can lift up a small truck.

But I can hold.

Yeah, baby I can really hold.

I can hold a lot of things at the same time.

And that makes me Superhero Mum!

I can hold….

• 3 conversations at one
• a wriggly toddler’s ankles, a wipe and a poo-filled nappy
• my breath (in the event of a stench or during a tantrum)
• a baby in one arm and a tantrumming toddler in the other

2. Superhero Mum Powers of Smell

When I got pregnant, I developed another superpower. The power of Super-Smell.

Before the two lines appeared on the stick, I could smell dog-poo at a hundred paces. Possibly more.

I could smell dog-poo that had already been cleared up and binned at a hundred paces.

As superpowers go, it wasn’t really all that useful when I was pregnant.

….although, I never stepped on any dog poo while I was pregnant. Not once.

But my Superhero Mum power became much more useful after my first baby was born.

I would smell a dirty nappy before that child had even thought of dirtying it. I was that good.

But it really came into its own when I helped run a baby and toddler playgroup. I could sniff out a poo-filled nappy across a large and crowded hall better than any bloodhound.

I was unbeatable!

I was …… Superhero Mum!

3. Superhero Mum Vision

Anyone who knows me in real life will know that I am myopic. Really quite blind without my specs.

But I have special powers. Special powers of vision.

…much like Hayley Joel Osment in Sixth Sense

I see dead people

In a household of four people, I am the only person who can do it. The only person with this special gift.

But it’s not seeing dead people.

Nope, I am the only person in our house to be able to see empty toilet rolls.

They all use the toilet roll. And they all finish them.

…but nobody but me is able to see them.

…and deal with them.

Why?

Because I am a Superhero Mum!

4. Superhero Mum Endurance

Apparently Margaret Thatcher was able to run the country on just 4 hours’ sleep a night.

(I met her once. She looked like a semi-psychotic, screwed-up paper bag. Perhaps explained by the 4 hours)

And, like her, I can run on surprisingly little sleep.

I can be woken for a wet bed, several bad dreams and an I-can’t-sleep. On repeat for several days.

…and still function the next day.

And the only weapons I need to complete this Feat of Endurance?

Coffee and a strong and stubborn refusal to curl up and die.

5. Superhero Mum Telepathy

Without hearing a sound, or seeing a face, I can tell if my kids are upset.

From 100 paces, with her back turned, I can tell if Littlest Angel is feeling sad.

Using my Superhero powers of Telepathy, I can sense a little wobble of lower lip.

(There’s also the shoulders a good 2mm lower than usual and a 1mm downward incline of the head. Tears are on their way)

But, even if I can’t see her body, I can tell when she’s sad.

I can sense that she has left the room and gone to her Sad Place.

(It’s the very corner of the tiny little cupboard that we call a Utility Room. And it’s where she goes to be Sad)

6. The Power of Falsehood

I’ll hold my hands up at this stage and say I have always been a good liar. A gifted liar. A born liar.

I am descended from a long line of born liars. And I honed my natural skills in the poisonous world of Real Estate Agency.

But when did my gift become a Superpower?

When I became a Mum.

I can effortlessly, unflinchingly, create a lie at the drop of a hat.

And I mean a good lie. A slick lie. A lie with a backstory.

I tell them all the time.

Like for tea tonight we’re having Curly Kale & Quinoa Salad for dinner. A recipe I got from the mum of a Liverpool FC football striker….. apparently.

Essentially, if my mouth’s moving, there’s more than a fair to middling chance that there’s a lie coming out.

But I get away with it everytime. Because I am Superhero Mum.

7. Superhero Mum Healing Powers

To add to all the above, I also have the Power of Healing.

With some Magic Words, and some very very special shushing, I can work magic.

I can heal Sore Fingers, Sore Toes, Sore Knees and a Sore Nose.

Ditto Heads and Bums.

And what are those Magic Words?

I can’t tell you. They’re magic!

But what I can tell you is that I’m not just Mum.

I am Superhero Mum!

 

What Superpowers do you have? Or what Superpowers do you wish you had? Let us know in the Reply box at the bottom of the page.