If you thought clicking here was going to lead to pictures of bums and boobs and dangly bits, you’re in the wrong place. Leave now and scuttle back to the Dark Web. We need to talk about Sex. About when to talk to the kids about Sex.
In the 70s, when I was a child, I don’t think people did sex. Well, I guess they must have done sex, or there’d just be empty streets. Empty apart from balls of tumbleweed rolling through them. What I mean is that they didn’t really talk about sex.
Or maybe it was just my family.
Or my family in the early days when we lived in rural Ireland with my Mum and Dad.
So, it came as quite a shock when, by now living in England, my Mum and Stepfather sat the four of us girls down for a ‘talk’. And they had a book. A big book. A big book from the library.
And, dear God, it had a half-naked couple on the front.
Or ‘a dirty picture’ as I would have called it then. (And oddly, as I have had an English accent for years, ‘a dirty picture’ always comes out in an Irish accent in my head even now)
‘The Joy of Sex’ as an educational tool when teaching your kids about Sex
I just don’t know where to start with this.
No.
No.
No.
This is most certainly not the way to do it.
There is little worse in life than your mum (and stepfather – it makes it so much worse when its a step-parent too) talking to you about the joys of sex. About how a man and a woman can make each other ……
……….euggghhh. Enough already!
And bad enough when it’s talk about when a man and a woman blah blah x-rated blah, but don’t add a book into the mix.
Especially not a book full of graphic images and ‘how to’ diagrams.
And someone’s saggy-breasted mum and a big bearded hairy dad getting jiggy with it.
All slightly sweaty post-coital with legs akimbo.
Just remembering it now, 35 years later, is bringing me out in hives.
So let’s just say this is certainly not how I’m going to be teaching my kids.
Of course, it’s desperately easy to say how you won’t teach your kids about sex. And quite another thing to say how you will teach them.
Let’s Just Wait for School to Teach the Kids about Sex
I was talking about sex to another couple of school mums recently. And one of them thought that she’d just wait until school taught it.
Now, I guess that is one way of doing things. And a desperately tempting one at that. A great way of avoiding all the embarrassment.
But how do they teach it? And when? And what do they teach? A kind of Haynes Manual-inspired ‘What’s Under the Bonnet’ lesson? I rather suspect so, especially as my kids go to a Catholic school.
I suppose I could ask the teachers. But, that’s never going to happen as teachers make me quake with fear. Asking teachers about teaching sex would be worse than that ordeal with my mum, my stepdad and The Joy of Sex.
And what if they leave it too late? Or miss something out? Or my child doesn’t understand what they mean. Will he put his hand up in front of his mates and ask?
No. I’m going to have to do The Sex Talk myself. Or, rather, Northern Husband and I will have to do it. There’s no way he’s getting out of this one.
But when?
When should I talk to the kids about Sex?
Just Wait Until The Kids Ask About Sex, then Answer Just The Barest Minimum
In general terms, I do think this is quite a good idea. Well, I did until Littlest Angel started asking questions way, way earlier than I was expecting. And way, way earlier than her big brother had.
When she asked about where babies came from, she wasn’t sated with ‘from your tummy’.
How do they get there?
…erm …. The Daddy plants a special magic seed.
Where does the magic seed come from? And how does it get into the tummy? And what does the Daddy use to put it in?Is it like a gardening tool?
…erm
Where is the special baby hole for the baby to come out of? Is it always there? Or does it just appear when the baby is ready to come out? Can I see it?
….erm. Anyone want to watch Paw Patrol? (..sweating slightly and jumping nervously from one foot to another)
And that finished the very uncomfortable, and impromptu, question and answer session. Thankfully.
And made me realize that I really need to work out what I’m going to say. And when.
So, let’s talk about Sex baby …..
Help me out, dear readers. Please!
Have you taught your kids about sex?
If so, how old were they?
Any recommended books? (Please don’t say The Joy of Sex)
I, and thousands of other hapless mums, would be delighted with your input. Please let us know in the Comments.
….please put us out of our misery!
17 Comments
I’m in the same boat as you with a hormonal, inquisitive 10-year-old. I have no idea how to start and have nightmare memories of been passed ‘The Book’ by my mum as a child. I’ll be following this post hoping someone will give us the answer!!! #thatfridaylinky
Perhaps we could outsource The Big Chat to someone? To another blogger? What do you think? Any recommendations?
Might be worth googling some books. There must be a bestseller list…
😂 As entertaining as ever. My parents left it until I was in high school, by which time I’d learnt a lot about the birds and the bees from schoolyard chatter. I went to Catholic school and the sex talk put the gear of god into my (I’m pretty sure that was the intention). I’m in the camp of wait until they ask about it. We’ve had the conversation of how babies come out (like doing a big poo but from a different hole 😨) and even that daddy put our youngest in mummy’s tummy but they haven’t asked anything else and I’m happy to bury my head in the sand for a little longer… Thanks for sharing with #Thesatsesh
Thanks for popping by and sharing. If I come up with any better ideas than The Joy of Sex or describing a big poo coming out, you’ll be the first to know!
I was never taught the earlier the better I think it’s an important part of life Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week
I think from a young age we have talked about sex with the children so they are familiar with it, X #thesatsesh
….perhaps you could write the rest of us a ‘How to…’ post?!!
#thesatsesh I teach sex ed to girls aged 11-16 and there are two kind of parents that make two kinds of pupils…been told too much, or completely in denial. However, like everything there is something that a magical few do to balance this in the middle – make no subjects (sex, racism, gender equality, politics…) a taboo subject. As you already said those little conversations about Daddies seed lead to more complex questions as they get older, but actually it means that if your children feel safe talking to you – they’ll ask. They become teenagers that talk to you later down the line if and when they need to…communication and openness are key.
This is very topical in my house at the moment and I like the comment above – if they feel safe they’ll ask. That’s what we’re striving for anyway!
Thanks for popping by and sharing your thoughts.
Our Big takes part in a group, sort of like girl scouts, but hippy style and no uniforms. They talk about being mighty girls and string women. Periods and such as well. We talk openly at home. Big asks little to no questions at 10, but Little, at 7, is filled with inquiry! We are always honest and age appropriate, and hopefully will have enough money to send them to therapy one day! 🙂 #thatfridaylinky xoxo
It’s just so hard to get the balance right, isn’t it? If we don’t get it right, we’ll see you in the therapist’s waiting room one day!
Haha, this made me giggle! I can only imagine the horror of your ‘sex talk’ experience!! My daughter has just turned 3 – I try to answer her questions as honestly as possible, so she already has a vague grasp of periods and that women have eggs which can turn into babies. I try to answer in a matter of fact way, just like I’d answer any other question so it doesn’t feel like a big deal. The logistics of baby making are easy enough to explain, it’s the safety, emotional and consensual side of things that complicates it for me, but I’m trying to lay the groundwork for ideas of consent already so it can all tie together in the end. Good luck with your conversations!
And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂
Thanks so much for your comments. I’m going to do my best to ‘man up’ about these talks. And just hope that it doesn’t lead to too much more peering and staring at me in the shower afterwards trying to pinpoint ‘key areas’. My small kids are turning me into a prude!
I will pop by to #BlogCrush to get my badge. Thank you!
My parents had The Joy of Sex on the shelf – I can relate to your sentiments there. However, we’ve started talking about very basic anatomy and concepts with our toddlers. They are so master of fact about it that it’s way less uncomfortable than I thought it would be. We use the books “It’s Not the Stork” (feat for laying foundations, just detailed enough), What Makes a Baby (very matter of fact, science driven and gender neutral/inclusive) and I Said No! (For sexual abuse education). Also have Sex is a Funny Wors for when they’re older (talks more about gender identity, sexual pleasure, sexual health/std stuff). Good Luck!
Thank you so much for the book recommendations! And for saving me untold hours of hopping around, one foot to another, blushing and fumbling for the ‘right’ answers!